I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
