This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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