Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
