I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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