just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
