I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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