My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He shit in the fireplace
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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