pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
