Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
