Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
