I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
