the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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