i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
