They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
