Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
