I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
