Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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