Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing