Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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