Texts From Last Night

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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  (506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu
  Replies (16) Good night (6069) Bad night (1046)
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  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

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  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3955) Bad night (4534)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?

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  (502): What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes? http://tfl.nu/o5zg
  Replies (17) Good night (4635) Bad night (1205)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Our room will be decorated with my urine.

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  (434): Our room will be decorated with my urine. http://tfl.nu/12hg
  Replies (2) Good night (576) Bad night (1880)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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  (907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman. http://tfl.nu/89v9
  Replies (14) Good night (2358) Bad night (800)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.

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  (206): If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/sboa
  Replies (15) Good night (1749) Bad night (540)
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  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (477)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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  (516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm
  Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (1006)
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  (530): View more from California

  Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish

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  (530): Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish http://tfl.nu/hirn
  Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (534)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.

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  (617): somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic. http://tfl.nu/55u8
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (452)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs

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  (320): Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs http://tfl.nu/s3ur
  Replies (4) Good night (536) Bad night (418)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.

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  (720): A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively. http://tfl.nu/qap5
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (360)
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  (+57): View more from

  I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.

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  (+57): I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird. http://tfl.nu/r46z
  Replies (6) Good night (888) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.

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  (904): There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone. http://tfl.nu/rh98
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (333)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad

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  (615): Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad http://tfl.nu/n2ij
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (558)

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