Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.