I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
