Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.