There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
