the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
