Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
