whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
