Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
