I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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