my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
