That's intense
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
