god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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