I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
