bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
