She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
