The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
