Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
