just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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