i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
