Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
