so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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