She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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