You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
