I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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