then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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