i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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