Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
