god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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