Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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