It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
