If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
