In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
