This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
