Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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