So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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