Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
