I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
