There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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