my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im holly from the hills drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
