Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
