you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
