Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
