Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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