i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
