Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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