I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
